By Radia Carr | February 10, 2026
Fear has a distinct energy when a big opportunity is on the line.
Not the normal nerves you might feel before a busy day. Not the normal pressure of a deadline. It comes as a kind of fear that makes you aware of your heartbeat. You start to feel the tightening of your shoulders, your palms getting sweaty, the pit in your stomach, or even the knot you feel. You might recognize it as “let me just tweak this one more time,” even when you already know, somewhere deep down, you’re ready.
I’ve felt this fear in so many situations, but one of the most familiar places it shows up is right before I ask for a raise, an opportunity, a promotion, or any request I didn't think I necessarily could get.
And I’m not talking about one brave moment.
I’m talking about over and over again, across years, across roles, across different versions of myself. Because it’s never just about money.
It’s about worth. It’s about recognizing your own value. It’s about feeling like you are contributing and being seen. It’s about saying, out loud, “I’m not here to play small."
The hotel lobby moment
Let me take you into one of those moments.
This wasn’t in an office. This wasn’t in a hallway. This wasn’t a quick conversation squeezed in between meetings.
This was in the lobby of a local hotel. I remember it like it was yesterday, thought it was years ago.
I asked for the meeting off-site on purpose because I wanted the tone to be different. Neutral territory. Intentional. Serious, but calm. No interruptions. No rushed energy. Just a few professionals having an honest conversation about business outcomes and compensation.
I remember walking in wearing my typical suit and heels, holding a leather folio notebook and a coffee, trying to look like I belonged there, like I did this every day. I did with my clients, because I always saw their potential, their gifts, their superpowers. I just wasn't convinced that I had those same qualities.
On the outside, I probably looked composed.
On the inside, my body was doing what bodies do when something matters.
Heart racing. Breath short. Nerves, not because I didn’t have a plan, but because I cared about the outcome. Because I knew this conversation could change the way I was valued, and the way I valued myself. It would change a lot in my life.
Here’s the part people don’t talk about enough.
Fear doesn’t require you to be unprepared.
Fear just requires you to be exposed and march into unknown territory. You might get rejected, told no, and the outcome may not be what you expected.
The ask was not emotional
For many years, I was a commission-only employee. So on paper, compensation was straightforward. Produce more, earn more. Win-win.
But I wanted to be paid for the work I did, not just the effort in the moment, but the years of results, the consistency, the revenue I produced, and the outcomes I drove. I wanted a percent increase based on the revenue I brought in.
It wasn’t vague. It wasn’t “I just feel like I deserve more.”
I proposed a plan via email before the meeting. This came first because I discussed it with family, and I knew the conversation would be emotional if I didn't prepare and document it first. The hotel lobby was where we would negotiate and decide. I had receipts. I had numbers. I had a clear case.
And still, fear showed up. Because fear doesn’t care if the ask is fair. Fear cares that you’re asking to be valued out loud. That’s what makes it feel risky.
Especially if you’re a high performer who’s been conditioned to be grateful, stay quiet, keep working, and let your results “speak for themselves.”
Results sometimes speak for themselves, but this isn't about a compensation conversation. This is about seeing your own value and worth. Speaking up in a meeting with a bold idea. Sharing something deeply personal about yourself. Asking for a seat at the table.
So the subconscious (sometimes conscious) starts whispering:
What if they say no, and now I look foolish? What if they think I’m asking for too much? What if this changes how they see me? What if I’m not actually worth it?
The reality is that if someone tells you no or doesn't ask you to present your ideas, share your thoughts, or tell you that you're ready for the promotion, what does that truly mean? It doesn't mean the no is a direct correlation to your worth.
What people get wrong about fear
- Most people think confidence comes first.
- They think the order is: feel confident, then take the leap.
- But in real life, it’s almost always the opposite!
Action creates confidence. This creates a flywheel effect. That type of momentum is so powerful in building confidence and reducing fear.
Confidence is evidence-based. It’s built through receipts, reps, and results. You don’t wait until you feel fully ready. You move, then your brain catches up.
That’s why so many smart, capable, high-performing people stay stuck.
Not because they lack talent, but because they keep waiting for a feeling that only comes after you do the thing.
Here’s another take that might feel familiar:
Perfectionism is often procrastination. It’s often fear and doubt trying to keep you safe by keeping you quiet. And there is a cost to that.
While you wait to be perfectly ready, you keep playing small. You keep staying in your lane. You keep training everyone around you to accept less than your worth. That you are the safe choice because you are consistent and avoid risk. Unfortunately, this is not humility. It's self-abandonment.
Fear is data
This is the reframe that helped me stop treating fear like a stop sign:
Fear is data. Fear is information.
Your physiology is reacting to expansion. You’re at the edge of something bigger, and your body is trying to keep you safe by keeping you familiar.
So instead of asking, “How do I get rid of fear?” I started asking a better question:
“How do I leverage it?”
Because fear is energy. Energy can be redirected. The fearful and nervous energy... it needs to be expended for you to take a risk, take a chance, and play bigger. Think about those nerves you have before a presentation? If you leverage that energy into your gestures, your voice, and passion, it's 100% an asset.
That hotel lobby moment was a turning point for me, not because I suddenly became fearless, but because I decided I was done playing small.
I had proof. I had a track record. I had outcomes. I had years of receipts.
I just needed to present them in a way that made it clear this wasn’t only good for me, it was good for the business too. This always must come from a place of humility and respect.
The 5-step method I use to turn fear into fuel
When fear hits before a big opportunity, I don’t want a complicated system. I want something I can run in real time, especially when my nervous system is loud.
Here’s the process I use:
1) Name what’s happening in your body. Before I do anything else, I acknowledge the physiology. My heart is racing. My shoulders lift and tense. My mind is spinning. This matters because it separates you from the sensation. It reminds you that fear is just an experience, not your identity.
2) Write the worst-case scenario on paper. Fear grows in vagueness. So I make it specific.
Worst case, they say no. Worst case, they say not now. Worst case, they counter. Worst case, they ask for more proof. Worst case, they revisit it later. Most worst cases aren’t disasters. They’re uncomfortable.
And you can survive being uncomfortable.
Writing it down shrinks fear from “this could ruin everything” to “this might be awkward for a minute, and I can handle that.”
3) Gather receipts, then frame them as impact This is where fear becomes fuel.
I jot down evidence: wins, outcomes, revenue, feedback, proof. Not because I need to convince them I’m worthy, but because I need to remind myself that my ask is grounded in reality. Then I connect those receipts to impact.
Not just “Here’s what I did,” but “Here’s what it created.”
A few examples of receipts people forget to count:
- Problems you prevented, not just problems you solved
- Clients you retained
- Crises you handled effectively
- People you developed
- Revenue you influenced behind the scenes
4) Rehearse a calm opening line. If you don’t decide how you’re going to start, fear will start for you.
So I would rehearse one line that is steady and impact-focused:
“Thank you for meeting with me. I want to walk through the outcomes I’ve been producing, and discuss how I can bring more to the team in the coming year.”
Then pause and let the conversation unfold.
5) Borrow belief if you need it. Sometimes, right before the moment, I’ll text a mentor, a coach, or a friend who believes in me. Not to be dramatic, but to stay anchored.
A quick message can be enough to remind you: you’re not making this up. You’re not asking for the world. You’ve earned the right to have the conversation.
The win, and why it mattered
That hotel lobby meeting ended in a win.
Higher percentages were tied to the hard work I put in and the revenue I generated. Stronger and bigger outcomes for the business. A true win-win.
But the bigger win was internal.
Because every time you do this, every time you walk into fear and still speak, you train your identity. You stop being someone who waits for permission. You become someone who creates alignment.
Where this shows up in your life
This same fear shows up everywhere.
Presenting to executives and fearing criticism. Speaking up with an innovative idea. Raising prices. Having the difficult conversation. Making the ask.
I’ll say it clearly and simply:
If you’re not scared, you are playing too small.
My line has always been: be uncomfortable being uncomfortable. I teach it, but I live it. It has served me so well. From trying out a new career to deciding to join the police academy, speaking on stages, etc.
Because comfort isn’t neutral. There’s no such thing as stagnation. You’re either moving ahead or you’re declining.
So if fear is loud today, good....
This is your signal that you’re right on the edge of something great!
What would you do if fear weren’t driving today?
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