I wasn't always the person that was engaged and trusting.
Many years ago, I was involved with a team that was starting to not operate in the most efficient way. Engagement was low. People were going around me to my manager instead of coming directly to me. People were doing this with others. The kind of side conversations with potential fear of speaking up. My manager would loop me in months later, if at all. I felt blindsided. I assumed the worst. And the more isolated I felt from others, the more isolated we all became.
I stopped showing up. I stopped reaching out. I told myself I was too busy to manage or explore if there was any uncertainty with my relationships. I was just incredibly busy, while also working remotely. I was doing the work that 4 people might do, so I felt that I couldn’t make it a priority. I felt like I had no time to. And every day I didn't show up, I gave people more evidence that I potentially didn’t care.
Here's what I learned: trust isn't built in the absence of time. It's built in the intentionality of time.
The leaders who actually move engagement forward in low to mid-trust environments aren't magicians. They're not running more retreats or better happy hours. They aren’t perfect. They're doing five specific things differently first.
1. They Address the Elephant in the Room, Not Plan a Team Activity
Most organizations think the solution to low trust is a team building event. Maybe an activity. Maybe a happy hour. Maybe some icebreakers, but that’s just one small part of other things that have to be in place.
What actually works is addressing the fear. Directly. From leadership.
I worked with three organizations recently that did this right. The leaders sat down with their teams and said exactly what they knew people were afraid of. They acknowledged the uncertainty, the fear and the changes that were happening. They spoke about the potential lack of psychological safety. They talked about the fact that people were afraid to speak up and showed empathy by addressing the elephant in the room.
And then something shifted.
People started showing up differently because the leader had just proved something crucial; the scary thing wasn't going to kill them. The truth wasn't going to get them fired. The conversation about what was actually broken mattered more than pretending everything was fine.
Stop softening your approach. Address what people actually fear. Do it from a place of compassion and empathy. That's where trust gets built.
2. They Proactively Carve Out Time, Not Just Availability
After I realized my absence was creating distrust, I made a choice. I carved out time on my calendar specifically to build relationships back. Lunch with colleagues, small thank you notes and recognition. One on ones that weren't about projects. Presence that said, "I'm not too busy for you. I never was."
And I made sure people heard directly from me that I was available. Not assumed. Not implied. Said out loud: "If you need something from me, I'm here. Don't assume I'm too busy. Ask."
High performers do this proactively. They don't wait for trust to break before they schedule a connection. They build it into their week like any other meeting. Because they understand something most leaders miss: your availability is a statement about your values. If people have to fight for time with you, they'll assume you don't value them.
Make the time non-negotiable. Put it on your calendar. Protect it like you'd protect a client call.
3. They Regulate Their Own Nervous System & Emotions First
This is the one that separates the best leaders I work with from the ones still stuck in low-trust cultures.
The leaders who rebuild trust are hyper self-aware. They know how they show up. And they don't allow a dysregulated nervous system to show up in a room. They are calm and consistent.
When chaos hits, you can feel the difference immediately. Some leaders spike anxiety everywhere they go. Their team picks up the dysregulation and mirrors it back. People get tense. They stop speaking up and start protecting themselves.
The best leaders stay calm. They regulate their emotions. They feel pressure, but because they've done the work to regulate themselves so their emotions don’t impact everyone around them.
Your team will match your energy. If you're chaotic, they'll be chaotic. If you're regulated, they'll regulate. This consistency builds trust because people know what they're getting. No surprises. No walking on eggshells.
Do the work to manage your own state. It's the foundation for everything else.
4. They Get Curious Instead of Staying in Generalization
Low-trust environments are full of generalizations.
People make wild assumptions about each other based on incomplete information. This is human nature. Someone didn't respond to a message, so they must not care. A leader gave critical feedback once, so now everything they say is seen through a lens of judgment. Someone made a mistake, so now they're unreliable.
The brain does this naturally. It fills in gaps with assumptions. And if you're in a low-trust state, those assumptions are almost always negative.
The leaders who fix this shift to curiosity. Instead of staying in the generalization, they ask the question. "Hey, I noticed you went quiet after that meeting. What's going on?" Instead of assuming someone is difficult, they ask, "Help me understand your perspective here."
This matters because of how your brain actually works. Your reticular activating system filters what you pay attention to. It finds evidence for whatever you're looking for. If you're looking for reasons not to trust someone, you'll find them. Your brain will highlight every mistake, every delayed response, every moment that confirms your suspicion.
But if you shift to curiosity, you're literally rewiring what your brain looks for. You start noticing the times they came through. The effort they made. The reasons behind the behavior that seemed suspicious.
Get curious. Ask more and deeper questions. Let what you find replace the generalization.
5. They Rewire What They're Looking For
This is the final piece, and it's the most powerful.
What you focus on is what you get. Not metaphorically. Neurologically.
If you're telling yourself this person can't be trusted, your brain will find all the evidence that proves this to be true. If you're telling yourself you're going to look for ways this person shows up well, your brain will find that instead.
The reticular activating system doesn't care which story is true. It just finds evidence for whichever story you're focused on. It’s a powerful filter.It works with your personal map of the world; your beliefs shape what data your brain collects.
The leaders who move the needle in low-trust cultures have made a conscious decision to focus on the good. To look for evidence of trustworthiness instead of evidence of betrayal. To rewire their brain to see potential in people instead of problems.
This isn't toxic positivity. It's all about where you're pointing your attention. Because wherever you point it, your brain will follow and your team will feel the difference. What are you doing to create safety, trust and a high performance culture?
The Real Work
Building trust when engagement is tanked isn't about activities and fun happy hours. Those are great, but only after you’ve done the work. It's about showing up as a regulated, curious, intentional leader who addresses what people actually fear and looks for evidence that trust is possible.
Start with one. The one that feels most true for you right now. Then move to the next. Your team is waiting to trust you. They're just not sure it's safe yet. Make a concerted effort to make the time for this. Your team will thank you and your engagement will skyrocket.
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