From Cynic to #1: 6 Ways to Train Your Brain to Believe

You Believe What You Train Your Brain To Believe

For a big part of my life, I was a cynic.

As a teenager, I hated school and complained about almost everything. I blamed my math teachers for my grades and the people around me for my mood. Life felt like something that happened to me.

Some of that came naturally. My dad is an engineer, bright and methodical, and I picked up his habit of double-checking everything along with a healthy dose of his cynicism. I leaned hard into that side.

Can you relate? Maybe you know someone who instantly spots what’s wrong with every idea. Maybe that person is you.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me back then: a positive mindset is something you train. Nobody is born with it, and no single class or book installs it. You build it one habit at a time, the same way you build strength in the gym.

Why Your Brain Keeps Finding the Negative & How it Holds You Back

Your brain has a filter that decides what you notice. It scans for evidence that matches what you already believe. If you believe the world is against you, it delivers proof every day. If you believe you can’t do something, it finds every reason you’re right.

That’s why cynicism feels so accurate from the inside. Your brain keeps handing you the receipts.

The good news is that the filter can be retrained. When you change what you practice, you change what your brain goes looking for.

How I Retrained Mine

The first shift happened in college. I did so poorly in math more than once and blamed everyone but myself. Eventually, I got tired of that story. I got a tutor, my grades turned around, and I went on to finish my last two years in a year and a half, taking full loads through winter and summer sessions while working two jobs as a teaching assistant. Someone close to me told me to take it easy. I didn’t.

For the first time, I had evidence that I could do something I believed I couldn’t.

When I started in sales, I spent hours driving to client meetings. I stopped listening to music and turned my car into a library, filling it with audiobooks on selling, communication, and time management. Day after day, I trained my brain to look for solutions instead of someone to blame. When you can focus on being the cause vs. the effect, your outlook shifts.

Then I built my foundation. Workouts became fixed appointments on my calendar. I was a night owl who slept terribly until 2 a.m., and had no time to work out, so I studied sleep research and books and gradually trained myself into a morning person. The first time I tried a deadlift, 100# pounds felt heavy. Over time, I pulled 325#. During my best year, I invested in a nutritionist for 18 months. It cost as much as a mortgage payment, and I wanted to remove every excuse.

Every one of those wins became proof, and the proof changed what I believed was possible. If I could turn a night owl into a morning person, why couldn’t I apply that same process to sales?

The real test came at work. For months, I relied on my manager to close my sales. The deals closed, yet I walked out of every meeting feeling smaller. One day, while driving to a client, I told my manager I wanted to start going to meetings alone. “I need to know if I can sell on my own, because if I can’t, that’s a problem.”

The reaction was uncomfortable. They still wanted to join me on meetings, and I had to keep setting boundaries and saying I was okay on my own.

I wanted to improve my selling skills, so I read tons of sales books, listened deeply, asked a lot of questions, and stopped pitching in the first meeting. When people said 20 calls a day was good enough, I pushed to 40, then 75, then 100. My closing ratio climbed from 10-30% to between 65% and 75%. I stayed a top performer for nearly 15 years and became the #1 sales person globally which was something I only could have dreamt of.

The teenager who blamed her math teachers would never have believed that was possible. My brain had to be trained to believe it first.

What I See in the Leaders I Coach

I hear the same limiting beliefs from leaders at every level. Some tell me they don't have enough experience to ask for that promotion or to lead people with more tenure. Others say they’re too old to start something new. Either way, that belief shuts the door before anyone else gets the chance. The work I do is to help them remove those beliefs that limit them, so they can step into their highest levels of performance.

One leader I coached was excellent at his job, yet he kept putting off a hard conversation with a very difficult employee. He knew what needed to be said. He didn’t believe he was the right person to say it, not enough tenure, and that the person wouldn't receive it well. I picked up on the language he used, which showed me the belief that wasn't serving him. Every point came wrapped in qualifiers. Our work centered on shifting that belief and his words, so he could say what he already knew. He had the conversation and the result was shockingly positive and well received and he started building receipts that he was more than capable and actually a great leader.

When a client tells me they aren’t ready, I ask one question: How do you know? Most of the time, there’s no real proof, only one moment from years ago they’ve treated as evidence and never re-evaluated it.

That’s why I have clients track their habits alongside their goals, with monthly check ins and a quarterly reset. The data gives their brain new evidence to work with.

Seven Ways to Train Your Brain to Believe

1. Catch your first thought. For one day, notice your automatic reaction to new ideas, requests, and problems. How often does your first thought start with why it won’t work? Self-awareness comes before change.
2. Ask “How do you know?” When you hear yourself say you can’t do something, look for the proof. If all you find is one old moment, it’s time to kick it to the curb.
3. Be the cause and own one thing you’ve been blaming. Pick a situation where you’ve been pointing at your boss, the market, or your schedule. Ask what’s in your control, and take one step and one action towards owning the change.
4. Audit your circle. If you walk up to two friends or colleagues who complain or gossip about others, problems, etc with no intention of looking for a solution, you will be the third. If they gossip, you’ll become the third gossip. Who are you becoming the third person with? I have had many conversations and made hard decisions to keep my thoughts protected. I also audit what I consume on social media, tv, etc.
5. Feed your brain on purpose. Swap one input for 30 days. Trade the playlist on your commute for an audiobook or podcast that teaches you something you want to get better at. Trade the complaint for a solution.
6. Track your evidence. Pick one habit, such as your bedtime, workouts, calls, or reading, and measure it for 30 days. Start with sleep if you can, because a tired brain is a reactive one. Every small win gives your brain proof, and proof is what builds belief.

You get to decide what evidence your brain collects. So, what’s one thing you stopped believing you could do? And how can you start to create a new belief that serves the future version of performance you know exists.