If you’d told me I’d be speaking in front of tens of thousands of people over the years, I honestly would have laughed in your face.
I was a painfully shy kid. Public speaking terrified me. I had zero training, no natural gifts, and genuinely believed some people were just born with the ability to command a room. I wasn’t one of them. Turns out, that’s not how it works.
After many years of facilitating trainings, speaking at events, and coaching executives through their biggest presentation moments, their confidence, imposter syndrome and helping elevate performance in every industry, I’ve learned something crucial: the gap between knowing your material and actually commanding a room isn’t talent. It includes skills that can be learned and a specific framework. And a framework is learnable.
The Story That Changed Everything
Well over a decade ago, I was asked to speak in front of eight hundred people. The largest audience I’d ever faced. I was absolutely terrified; the kind of panic where you think you’re having a heart attack.
The day of, just minutes before stepping on stage, I ran laps behind the stage. I had practiced the night before, but not obsessively. Mostly, I focused on breathing and moving my body to release the pent-up nervous energy trapped in my chest. By the time I walked on stage, that physical intensity had been processed to turn the remaining nerves into humor and energy. I remember walking up and feeling like I was going to faint, but was propelled forward and gave it my best.
I opened with humor. A photo of a toddler having an absolute meltdown; face red, screaming, completely losing it. I flashed it on screen and said, “That was my reaction when she hung up on me.” It was a sales story about rejection, paired with a hilariously dramatic image that represented how I had felt that day.
There was laughter and a deep connection with the audience. Who couldn’t relate to rejection? We’ve all faced it. At work, relationships, friendships, etc.
At that moment, something shifted. The laughter broke the tension. I realized I deserved to be there. Not because I was perfect. But because I was authentically, unpolished and just being me.
And that worked better than any performance or acting and modeling someone else could have.
I delivered my best that day and it taught me that I could always do better, but if I was intentional about my physiology and intentional about being myself and telling a great story, it would be a win.
Fast forward to 2023. I’m standing in front of six hundred people. Almost no nerves this time. I actually couldn’t believe it. But I tried something different this time… I stopped a gentleman that worked at the hotel the night before and asked if he could let me in the room for a few minutes. I walked around, got familiar with the set up, where people would be sitting and walked the stage the night before, knew the layout, had no surprises waiting. The day of the presentation, I remember as I got mic’d up, I felt calm. Genuinely calm.
That day, I shared something deeply personal about losing my dog. Real emotions on screen. But I mixed in humor too, in the photos, the realness and though I felt it could be really uncomfortable, I thought, but who cares, it’s me. I shared my journey with working with all types of coaches; fitness, dating, life, business and how we all grow and life is a journey, but you need support.. Raw, authentic, relatable. The room connected to every second of it. Because people don’t want perfection. They want relatability.
What I’m Teaching My Clients Now
I spend my days coaching executives and high achievers who hit a ceiling. They’re brilliant at what they do. They know their material inside and out. But when it comes to presenting, persuading, commanding a room that matches their actual capability, something feels off.
Here’s what I’ve learned pulls them through:
The Belief Work Comes First
Research shows 71% of CEOs experience imposter syndrome. 65% executives do. They’re not alone; but they think they are. That belief is what stops them.
When I work with someone, we trace that limiting belief back to its source. A teacher who said they weren’t good enough. A parent who demanded perfection. Years of internal and external messaging that says, “You have to be flawless or you’re a fraud.”
The first breakthrough is awareness. They have to see the loop they’re in. Once they do, we rewire it.
I have every client start a journal.. Not for motivation. For evidence.
Your reticular activating system; the part of your brain that filters information, looks for proof of what you believe. If you’re telling yourself “I’m going to mess this up,” your brain finds evidence supporting that. You remember the one stumble, not the twenty minutes of brilliant content.
But if you train your brain to look for wins, for moments where you showed up well, for what you’re grateful for, what you’re skilled at, the value you bring to the table, you’re literally rewiring the neural pathways that create imposter syndrome. You’re building proof. This is the concept of neuroplasticity and it can rewire itself.
The Audience Is Rooting for You
This mindset shift changes everything. Everyone in your room wants you to succeed. Not one person is rooting for you to fail. They want to be entertained. They want to get value. That’s it. Most high achievers are telling themselves the opposite story.
They imagine a room full of judges, critics, people waiting to expose them. But that’s fiction. When you really internalize that the audience is on your side, your job becomes clear: serve them. Research who they are. Understand what they’re struggling with. Give them what they actually need, not everything you know.
Stories Are Your Competitive Advantage
People think stories have to be polished, perfect narratives. They think storytelling is for kids, not serious business. But the most powerful stories are the ones happening in your daily life. Right now.
I use a technique called the evidence vault.. Create a note on your phone or a Google Doc. As you go through your day, jot down moments. A great customer service experience. A conversation with someone close to you. Something a child taught you. A metaphor you noticed. Even someone else’s story that stuck with you.
The key: capture it while it’s fresh. Then find the bridge; how does this connect to what you’re delivering?
A traffic story about two drivers responding differently to being cut off can connect to how your team responds to market volatility. A moment with your kid can illustrate a point about perspective. The bridge is there. You just have to find it.
When you structure a presentation, weave stories throughout. Not just an opening. Use them to illustrate points, help people see themselves in the narrative, show transformation. This goes for 1:1 conversations and all communication.
Authenticity Beats Perfection Every Time
The moment you give yourself permission to be you, to be funny if that’s your style, to share something real, to be a little awkward, your credibility goes up.
People don’t judge vulnerability. They connect to it. They become more engaged, more trusting, more likely to hear your message.
Think about who you actually trust and like. Are they perfectly polished? Or are they genuinely themselves, even if that means being imperfect?
The paradox is that vulnerability makes you more credible, not less.
The Mechanics Matter
Finally, the technical pieces. Silence is power. Give people space to process after you’ve said something important. Don’t fill every moment with words. I’ve learned that as someone who speaks on the faster side.
Avoid hedging words, this is KEY… words like “maybe,” “should,” “I guess,” “kind of.” They undermine your authority.
Your vocal inflection matters. End statements like statements (downward), not questions (upward). Eliminate words at the end of sentences like “right?” And breathe from your diaphragm, not your chest. This opens your voice, makes you sound grounded and authoritative. Box breathing before a presentation can help tremendously.
These seem small. They’re not. They completely shift how you’re perceived.
The Real Transformation
I went from a painfully shy child who was terrified of public speaking to someone who has trained thousands and feels at home doing so. Not because I’m naturally gifted. Not even close. But because I did the inner work, learned the framework,
and gave myself permission to be me. I don’t try to model someone else.
If you’re hitting that ceiling, if you know you’re capable but your communication and
presence aren’t matching it yet, this framework works. The mindset shift, the story architecture, authenticity, mechanics.
You don’t have to be someone else. You just have to learn how to be more powerfully you. And that’s learnable and something you can practice.
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